I’ve been trying to “figure out” meditation for awhile now. I’ve tried some sporadic bouts, but nothing regular, which is what I really need.
Buddhist Mama inspired me to join this challenge at Awake is Good from the the beginning of 2010.
Today I woke up, sat down on a pillow right beside my bed and set up the laptop with a meditation timer I had previously used.
Then the dog began whining at the bedroom door. I knew she wouldn’t stop and would wake the children, so I got up to let her in. Then I couldn’t seem to get comfortable. Finally I restarted the timer.
I was just going to try the technique of counting your breaths up to ten and then starting again. I also tried labelling the other thoughts that became apparent.
Oh my! I definitely need practice. I invariably lost count as my mind rambled away onto other things, or I would suddenly realize that I was on fifteen or sixteen counts.
My thoughts included lots of judgment type thinking – I’m cold, my back hurts, this is hard, my back hurts, my foot hurts, my belly flops over too much. Than I began wondering what I should do with my abdomen while I sit – do I hold it in (core training type stuff) or do I let it go? If I let it go I had trouble letting go of the belly flop feeling.
I peeked at the clock – 9 minutes and 28 seconds. Wow. Half way there.
Next I noticed the computer has some kind of regular clicking sound in addition to the fan. Then the dog’s intestines starting roiling and I wondered about looking that up since it’s an ongoing problem for her.
And then I moved onto planning how I could make meditation more enjoyable – maybe some incense? Where does one buy incense in out little city? And I really need to make some sort of meditation cushion and mat. There I go again. Planning how to make something work, instead of just making it work with what I’ve got. More judgment.
Each time I tried to come back to my breath.
Finally I peeked at the computer again and had just a few seconds left in the twenty minutes.
Then I wrote this blog, so I would capture the essence of what I felt.
Studies show this practice can be helpful to people who struggle with both depression and attention issues. Right now I’m a little depressed about my lack of attention! But as I tell the kids practice makes better.
Related posts:
Hang in there! Jen says the first 10 days are the hardest! I have puppy distractions a lot in the morning, too. Never thought about putting my cushion right by the bed. I might have to try that tomorrow!
Jennifer, I am glad you persisted and made the 20 minutes, but, truthfully that is alot in the beginning. As you read through the Meditation Challenge at my blog you will read that most “experts” say even 5 min. is grand! No need to force. Just acclimate the body to sitting. Be kind, gentle. Let go of guilt or worry. Allow it to flow to where it wants to go. It is about trying to create a habit, so it does take time. I am happy to be of support in any way I can. Just ask. Blessings to you.