Yesterday I got the stomach flu, my family got a dog and a letter my husband and I wrote got linked on a popular blog that I enjoy reading.
Dale McGowan is the author of Parenting Beyond Belief and one of the primary reasons why Kirby and I were able to write the letter that we did.
I had identified myself as an evangelical Christian for over twenty years. I came to my recent conclusions about my faith without reading any views from “the other side.” I didn’t want anyone telling me what to believe anymore. I wanted to figure out what I believed. I slowly came to realize that I could no longer hold all the inconsistencies together. I couldn’t figure out how to make it all work in my head. It occurred to me that in order to end the disharmony I would have to admit that much of what I was supposed to believe in, I didn’t. It was at that point I began wonder how a person could define their worldview without the supernatural and I began to seek out “the other point of view.”
I have to admit, what I read actually scared me – vitriolic anger. There seemed to be as much hate and intolerance in the “other camp” as in the one I felt I had left.
So it seems very apropos that Dale linked to our letter when it was his book, Parenting Beyond Belief, that actually made me relax and realize that life would probably be okay. Dale’s was the first book that didn’t make me feel stupid for wasting my life for years on a silly religion. His was the first book that seemed, in my mind, to honour all belief systems, including atheism. His was the first book that gave me hope that some of my friendships might survive this monumental announcement.
And so I just want to thank him for the link (our Google Analytics went crazy!) but most importantly for his book and it’s sequel Raising Freethinkers. His rationalism and compassion is a much needed voice in a world rife with intolerance and condemnation on both sides of the issue.
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[...] Also see a followup from my wife here. [...]
I can’t believe you exist…it is like I wrote your letter to your friends because I have been feeling the same way and have felt alone.
This is such a huge thing to do. I read the letter you all wrote, and a few of the comments. I was saddened by the first few, begging you to reconsider. We too “came out of the closet” when we found Buddhism and lost very many friends. Several in fact who we had considered to be good friends. I hope it has gotten better and easier for you. I hope one day it will for us as well. Thank you for sharing your letter and your heart.
I can identify with what you are saying. I found an approach that worked for me with Progressive Christianity at (tcpc.org The 8 Points). “The Heart of Christianity” by Marcus Borg also makes sense to me. Unfortunately it is very different than what my conservative Christian friends believe and it has unintentionally put me at odds with them. They don’t understand and it is driving a rift in our friendships. This is sad, we should respect everyone for who they are… I also read “The Faith Club” and this helped me see how many hurdles must be crossed to find “mutual appreciation.” “Raising Freethinkers” is the next book I plan to read! Atheism makes sense to me when you don’t feel the presence of God. Spirituality goes beyond explanation. By calling myself a progressive, I am finding more value in the questions than in the answers. Good for you on writing the letter to your friends and family!! ~Cori
i cannot say how much i admire you for this, esp with kids…having children does rock you world, they just dont accept rubbish answers.
the anger on the atheist side is just, i feel, and is supported by respect. it does disappear in time but when youve been lied to throughout your life and you find out then it is natural for some people to feel annoyed. anger is not evil….actions from anger CAN be. but feelings themselves need our care and attention.
much love.
[...] few days later they posted a follow-up expressing their surprise and delight at the response. And in addition to saying some [...]
Hi Jennifer and Kirby and kids. I just pieced together that Doodads etc. was Kirby’s blog — and here is yours. I’m excited to find them ’cause I miss you both, and still want (very much) to get to know you better.
I’m very lucky I suppose that my side of our family is all of (more or less) the same religious angle (UUs). Some of my husband’s family is the type of Christian that makes you quite aware that you should be too, and quite judgmental and distant (emotionally), which makes me sad. I’ve always thought that it was ironic that they would use their religion as an excuse to be cold etc., when I think one of Jesus’ primary messages was to love and forgive and accept each other.
I feel so much empathy for everyone who loses people in their lives over differences of opinion about religion. It just seems to me like folks are missing the point of religion completely (as said by a true agnostic — one who has always wanted a t-shirt that said “I’m agnostic, I think.”).
I for one admire deeply anyone who follows their conscience and walks their talk, so to speak. Good for you.
Thank-you Karin.
It’s been a really good year in a lot of ways but it’s also been a really difficult year. We’re still trying to sort things out and make sense of other things. Everyday it seems to get a little easier.
Jennifer