I have said for years that my oldest son, Page3, would carry an ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder) label if he was in the school system. In the beginning I said this with much disdain. As a student teacher in the early 90’s I was witness to the burgeoning diagnosis of ADD and the resulting administration of Ritalin to deal with the problem. As only those without children can, I blamed everything on poor parenting and eschewed the idea of labels on children.
But as my son grew and we began to add regular chores to his daily routine, and then to try and attempt to teach him to read and write, I became more and more frustrated. Everything seemed so much more difficult with him. I was trying to let my boy be a boy, but he was driving me up a wall. Eventually I realized that our relationship was suffering. As my frustration grew, I began to ascribe malicious intent to his inattention.
Then at a friend’s house I read the preface to Carol Barnier’s book How Do I Get My Child Off the Refrigerator and on to Learning? Carol argues that the addition of a label like Attention Deficit Disorder could be helpful. She mentions that an extremely short person, like herself, could go through life never knowing she was short because everyone would avoid that label. However, she would always wonder why the world was so hard to navigate.
What if I thought I was as tall as everyone else? What if I thought I should be able to reach the top kitchen shelves as easily as my taller peers? Imagine my frustration if I believed you. What if I began to think that I must be lazy or stupid or something even more mysterious was wrong with me because I couldn’t do easily what others could?
Barnier justifies a label, saying it explains differences we see between ourselves and others. It can help us realize that the problem is not us, the problem is that the world isn’t designed to deal with our limitations and we must find ways to work effectively within that world.
Because I am now permitted this label of “short,” I finally understand why I’ve been having trouble in areas where others have not…However, does this now relieve me from the responsibility of putting away items that go on the top shelves?…Of course not! I have to find strategies to work around my stature, but it in no way alleviates my responsibility to get the task done.
I began to think that there might be some strategies out there that might help me help my son learn to focus.
So I went where all intelligent people go to find information – the library.
The first book that arrived was You Mean I’m Not Lazy, Stupid or Crazy?! A Self-Help Book for Adults with Attention Deficit Disorder by Kate Kelly and Peggy Ramundo. I was hoping for parenting help, but thought I’d dive in see what they had to say.
I was stunned. I was speechless. I was shocked.
For the first time in my life most of my struggles made sense. You see, I apparently have ADD. And just like the title of the book promises, I suddenly realized that maybe I’m not lazy, or stupid, or crazy. Honestly. I felt like they were talking directly to me. Everything made so much sense. And for the first time in many, many years I felt relief and I felt hope.
So what next?
ADD and it’s cohort ADHD (Attention-Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) are controversial. As I wade through a mountain of literature I am trying to make decisions that are consistent with other choices in our life. I’m also trying to listen to the Holy Spirit and decide what to do.
Our first decision has been NOT to seek any professional help. I do not think there is anything wrong with my brain, or my son’s brain, or MrPages brain, who also shows all the classic adult symptoms. What I do think is that the world around us moves faster than we can comfortably process and that means we need to learn to cope with the differences between the speed of the world and what our brains are capable of handling.
I’m reading some fascinating books on the subject and look forward to sharing some of my insights as we go along, that is if I don’t lose too much of my focus!
[Note: When I mentioned this post to my Mom, she said that when I was 6 I was diagnosed by the school psychologist as being Hyperkinetic, which was the ADD diagnosis many years ago. Since I was able to function rather effectively in the school setting, my parents never pursued any treatment.]
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