(Please excuse me while I get up on my soap box for a minute or two…)
At my workshop on Ten Things to Do Before Age 10, many people ask me how I get my children to do (insert various school like assignments here, like writing, reading, math, public speaking, etc.).
My first response is to ask them:
Why do you wish for your children to learn that particular skill? Is it necessary for them to learn? Is it something they want to learn?
If there is a justified reason why the skill should be taught and mastered, then I need to ask some really hard questions:
Is this a skill that you yourself use and if so, do your children see you using it?
As parents we all joke about the old adage, “Do as I say, not as I do,” but the frightening reality is that children will do as their peers and elders do..
My oldest daughter loves to write and, quite honestly, she is very talented. So I, in my flawed wisdom, purchased a writing program to encourage her along. All her writing ceased, except that which was assigned. As an experiment, I quietly put the writing program aside and just let her be. Low and behold, she began churning out the stories and poems again.
She asked if she could on the blog. (ETA: She now has her own blog!) I didn’t have a reason why not, so up they went. Now she is learning about punctuation and grammar, so that her pieces will be well received by our readers.
A couple of weeks ago, LittlePage2 presented me with a poem.
“Can I write for the blog too?” she asked rather hesitantly.
My children write, because MrPages and I do. They are not afraid to stand in front of a crowd and speak, because MrPages and I do. They will engage neighbours, clerks, and professionals in questions about their work, because MrPages does. (This is not one of my strengths.)
My children also do not know how to stick with a task and finish it right through to completion, because MrPages and I struggle with this. My children do not pick up after themselves, because MrPages and I don’t do this either.
If I feel these are important things to accomplish, than I need to get off my butt and master these skills to the best of my ability so that my children will see that they are valuable, and worthwhile.
If a skill worth having, than my children should see me using it.
Granted this puts a lot a responsibility on parents. But then again, isn’t that what parenting is about?
No related posts.
Okay: a couple of things.
#1 this is brilliant. After reading this the first time, I had a conversation with my 2nd Daughter about how she puts things she doesn’t like off until later and that she ought to be more quickly hard working (as I was speaking there were 3 baskets of laundry that have been waiting to be put away since Thursday….gee. Now where does she get that procrastination?)
#2 I would love to come and see your workshop, but as that is a ridiculous thing to even consider, I would love to know what your “10 things” are (as I have 2 years before my oldest is 10, and having already confessed to being a procrastinator, I’d better make the most of my time!
Thanks again, as always…
Hmmm, so I am wondering about the exceptions to the rule. If a child is not doing as he sees his parents modeling, how does one deal with that?
[...] made a wise point in a comment on my last post that I think is worthy of [...]
That is and important question, Lyndon…and I put a few thoughts about it here.
One of the things that wearies me most about parenting is that there are no rules. We can read scores of books, implement myriads of systems, and use all sorts of rewards, but the reality is that we need to know our children and ourselves and use what works for us.
[...] made a wise point in a comment on my last post that I think is worthy of [...]